# Someone like me ## Urge to find people struggling like me In times [[I have struggled]] I have tended to have this vague want to connect with someone like me, who by the nature of them having dealt with something similar, either a) are able to validate my struggles, making me feel less lonely/shitty and ideally b) can help me with guidance. ## Lets use an example to explain this urge It is as though I'm looking for someone who beat a boss in a video game that I've been struggling with. I want to know, where do I jump, where do I block, where do I shoot. Self knowledge is always useful. Finding someone to guide/validate me is a horribly inrobust option I am seeking [[understandable|understanding]] - Example - I'm struggling with focusing on work. ## The problem with this urge This urge is [[understandable]] but [[counterproductive]], it [[avoidance|avoids]] relying on and developing [[self knowledge]] which even in the relative short term is way more effective and available. Needing anything outside of your control to address a problem is a recipe to not addressing the problem and feeling bad about it. Even if I might just be bad at connecting ## Caveat - Like most things, there is something of value - [[we are shaped by the people around us]]... ## Suggested alternative - [[meditate]] and tap into [[self knowledge]] - [[identify with what|indentify]] with your [[true self]] not with problems - Friends cannot be counselors, [[identify with what|identifying]] In practice even finding someone who is quite like me tends not to yeild great results. ## Related - [[we are shaped by the people around us]] - [[self knowledge]] - [[I have struggled]] - [[avoidance]] - [[Let us do it together]], [[parenting]], - [[external locus of control]] - [[comparison]] - [[when you complain you ignore the whole]] There is always a reason that someone is not like you. - with something, I have this vague