An evolving guide to being my friend... TL;DR: Let's grow and explore together. ## If you knew me you would know.. - I'm around if you need me - You don't need to read this / be anything but yourself for me love you - It is very important for my health/mood to eat healthy - It makes me smile when I remember my friends exist - I pretty much always want [[hugs]] ### Spending time together - I enjoy [[micro-hangs]] (i.e. only have 10 minutes, still say hi!) - And the increasingly alluring [[super secret silent hangs]] - See the [[activities I want do]] (anything active) - #IWantToTry new things and go on [[adventure|adventures]] with you - I enjoy doing relaxing things too, especially when in high energy times (ex. meditate, massage, walks, movies) - I enjoy extended adventures and small amounts of time together - I want you to [[invite me to stuff]] (even in a different city) - I want you to [[come visit me]] (+1's and kids welcome) - I have coped with [[chronic pain]], [[anxiety]], and [[depression]] - I want reminders that [[this is the dying step]] - [[I find sitting still and passively watching stuff trying]] - I prefer getting up and going to bed with the sun - My favorite meals to share are breakfast and lunch ([[can we never go to dinner again]]) - Reciprocation and [[enthusiasm]] mean a lot to me - [[I choose to be vegan daily]] and appreciate when friends eat vegan with me so that we can share. ### Communication - I prefer real-time communication and I want to connect with you so, [[come find me]]! - I tend not to enjoy prolonged conversations via [[texting|text]] (special dispensation for the silly) - I can get over-excited and love reminders to breathe ## Push-back if... - I'm complaining - [[you talk too much|I talk too much]] - If I'm framing something unkindly ## How you can look out for me - Check-in occasionally, especially in the winter - Make plans well in advance (so we can look forward to it) - Help me feel comfortable - If we are at a party or near a bunch of people, chances are I could use a hug and a reminder to breathe - I can pull away in groups and it might seem like I need alone time but I do find it really helpful to be checked in on - Tell me to stay over (I tend to err towards not doing so) - I pretty much always want a cup of boiling water - Help me grow - Challenge me and push-back. I truly don't want to complain or [[you talk too much|talk too much]] (seriously, shake me, use a non sequitur, throw something at me) - Be blunt - if I have spinach in my teeth or am smelly from a run, I want to know. ## I particularly value people who are - Kind and playful - Open and direct - Active and [[why I want my friends to take care of themselves|healthy]] (take care of yourself!) - Eager to help others ## I appreciate when friends - are open about their needs, preferences, mood - take what ever space they need - are open about their own struggles - challenge me (ex. if I say something unkind, I want push back) - make plans a head of time ## Why I wrote this - The process has been clarifying for me - Hoping my friends will be encouraged to be similarly open - I meet more lovely people than I have time to interact with, knowing what I want from friendship helps me decide who to spend my time with. ## Misc - It is okay to cancel on me or end a hangout at any time (if you aren't in a place to enjoy the time together I don't want to force it) - Know that I really love [[alone time]] - I want you and I to [[feel comfortable near each other]] ## Prompt me - ex. say "I am going to tell you something and I need you to take my side" (likely to already, but the prompt can be helpful) ![[Things I want to know about friends]] ## Related - [[New stuff for the guide to being my friend]] - To me - [[Guide to showing me love]] - [[love yourself|self-love]] - [[my birthday]] - [[Guide to working with me]] - [[party at my house]] - To you - [[I want to know you]] - [[Ways I can help you]] - If you feel [[Ghosting|ghosted by me]], know its accidental. - [[I have changed]]. - To [[friends]] - [[how to onboard new friends]] - [[How to navigate two friends who are on the outs]] - [[I want friends to see]] - [[friendship phenomena]] - [[I am not too busy for you]] - [[I misunderstand you and you misunderstand me]] - Misc - [[Inviting people to stuff]] - [[stuff that has changed or I am reconsidering]] - [[my friendships]] - [[a retrospective on this guide to being my friend]] - [[Why I have wanted to avoid work talk]]